Complicatedly Simple by S.K. Malcolm

Current Soundtrack: Real AF Podcast by Andy Frisella

Nobody is coming to save you.
You aren’t going to be in the right place at the right time.
You aren’t going to win the lottery.
You’re not going to inherit millions of dollars.
50 pounds of fat isn’t going to fall off of you.
You aren’t going to eventually be CEO because you’ve “put in your time”.
You aren’t going to get fucking lucky.
IT’S NEVER GOING TO BE THE RIGHT TIME.
Now what?
How many years of your life have you wasted residing under the shelter of the above thoughts?
How’s that working out for you?
When are you going to take responsibility for your life, the results you’ve produced so far, and your future?
You might not become exactly what you want to be…but two things are absolutely certain:
1. You definitely won’t get there hiding amongst the fairy tales of success and putting the responsibility of your outcome on some bullshit narrative weak people tell themselves.
2. There is nothing admirable, noble or respectable about deferring responsibility for your own life’s outcome.
FACT: You can do better than you’re doing now….and so can I.—Andy Frisella

P.S. I just dropped another episode of Real AF Podcast this morning. It picks up where the 2 episodes yesterday leave off, so if you listened to yesterday’s episodes already, Click Here to listen to today’s episode now! If you need to catch up and didn’t listen yesterday … Start Here! Subscribe to the Real AF Podcast Most Importantly: Share this message with someone who needs to hear it today …

Real AF is legit the BEST Podcast, ever. For Real Authentic Individuals.

Wow. For more “WOW!” follow Andy Frisella’s Real AF Podcast.

https://andyfrisella.com/blogs/realaf-podcast

That is all… Now go Listen and Do Something Great!

Time to Grow

What a week. What a Time to be Alive. Am I right?

It feels like the new normal is settling in all around us. Slowly but surely we’re all getting more comfortable about social distancing, gloves and should we or shouldn’t we be forced to wear a mask if we venture outside. It’s less and less about “Are we going to die?” and more and more about “Who do you think you are to tell me what I can or cannot do?!” We are becoming desensitized.

If you think about it, we are in self preservation mode. We can’t control the virus but we can control how we feel about it and what our opinions are. And boy, does our country have our opinions. On the NextDoor app, neighbors are losing their minds and picking fights over these things instead of bringing a neighbor a meal or sharing a roll of TP from their stash.

Where are the block parties in the cul de sacs? Where are the picnics at the park? C’mon people.. there is more to life than arguing on social media about politics and not wanting to be told what to do.

I’m fortunate. I live in a county that is making recommendations but not mandates. I believe if you force a group of people to do something, the large majority of that group instinctively will rebel. Me, I’m that person. Or, was that person. I’m currently in rehabilitation for my rebellious nature. Self rehabilitation.. so, you know… its slow going.

At the beginning of all of this, I made the snarky jokes, shared the memes, scoffed at the ludicrousness of the situation. It seemed like a joke. Before you set me on fire, I do realize the seriousness of it and I no longer feel that way. I am however, not scared of the air outside.

Please do not misinterpret this. I am not being a jerk. I know the danger is real, especially for those with asthma, high risk existing conditions and the elderly. I know seemingly healthy-as-a-horse people have contracted the virus, some fatally.

What I also know, is numbers seem scary. Media sensationalism is rampant. Hardworking honest journalism and news reporting is present of course, yet struggles in the stream of OMG Everyone Panic news reporting.

Anyone else miss the good old days of turning on the news and immediately being bombarded by the # of fatalities the night before from hit and runs, gang murders, robberies and trashcans stolen? If you’re from Houston, remember Slime in the Ice Machine nightly reports by Marvin Zindler? Marrrrvin Ziiindler.. Eyyyye Witnesss Newwws… Seriously guys, if you didn’t grow up with this guy, you missed out. Check it out here https://youtu.be/pJObxxYaHpI and here https://youtu.be/99Lk4ldI2mc Oh man, the great clips that came up when I ran a search. Marvin ZIndler was on David Letterman in 1982, same year as I was born. I know this probably means nothing to you, but I just went on a short trip down Nostalgia Lane. Here’s the best video I found https://youtu.be/-rApTHRuTjI Just a little bit of positive distraction for me, and hopefully you. Whorehouse in Texas lmbo. Seriously, watch the clip! 🙂

Okay, I’ll get off my tangent. I apologize, my squirrels momentarily took control and ran wild.

So, this is a time to grow. Whether we like it or not. Many of us are in the midst of growth. We’re getting to know our families again. We’re reminded how much we should appreciate teachers and the school system as a whole. We’re getting back to basics. Cooking at home. Etc.. and so on.

This is a time to grow and not get stuck in a new rut.

My stepson’s mother sent me the following WORD today. We haven’t always got along but the LORD does powerful works in his name and he’s really been busy in our lives. I needed this today. I hope it reaches someone else who needs this. Well, we all need this really…

Make Up Your Mind Right Now that You’re Not Going to Let the Tough Times Defeat You. Decide Now that You’re Going to Hang On to the Word and Promises of God even When the Persecutions and Afflictions Come Because, I can Assure You, they Will Come. When you Decide to Walk by Faith, You Don’t Get Rid of Trials and Tribulations. You Learn to Overcome Them despite How You Feel. When you Let the Word of God get Rooted and Down into Your Heart, Spirit and Soul You’re Going to Learn More about the Devil than You Ever Wanted to know Because He’s Going to Do his Best to See to it that the Word is Unfruitful and Fake in You. You begin to Doubt in the Goodness of God. He’s Going To be Trying to Mess You Up Every Time you Turn Around. You’ll Have Problems, but the Difference is Now you Have the Answer and That is THE WORD OF GOD! Next Time you Feel as If the Devil is Winning get Up and DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO STEAL THE WORD OF GOD FROM YOUR HEART!!!

Starting this blog is one of the many steps I am taking to grow. I’m writing more with the end goal of publishing my work in the near future. These are utterly terrifying strides to me. My legs shake with each uncertain step. I’m happy to report that with each move my feet are finding level ground. I’ve yet to walk off an unseen cliff. At least none that can compare to the one my heart fell from recently. If I can survive that, I can survive anything.

Be Well

~Cheers

Musings

Current soundtrack “Ride” by Twenty-one Pilots

Thinking was at a minimal today. Tonight, over thinking is knocking at the door.

I’m doing my best to ignore it.
Here’s a few pre-written thoughts that can tell a story even though my words fail me now.

I was willing to fail. Still am. So far I have failed. #winning

“Redirection ” hurts like a mf-er.

“Tap, Tap”.. foolishly waiting..

Hardest. Lesson. Ever.

~Cheers

Saturday

Oh hello, you bright and beautiful day. Are you sure you are at the right house?

So we are doing this. Gonna be optimistic and pleasant.

Locked that box full of demons up tight and buried it in the neighbor’s backyard while the world was sleeping. Climbed the roof and used a slingshot to launch the key towards the stars. Hoping it landed in a farmer’s field of crops where it will be properly decimated by farming equipment in the near future.

A lil’ duct tape and super glue and this old worn out heart will be back to new-ish.

The above illustrates pep talks that have been happening in my head this morning.

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

~Cheers

Anxious Friday

No soundtrack… just mania

Earlier Today…

I’m numb at the moment; a patient under anesthesia (metaphorically). A shadow is cutting into me with the sharpest edge of the scalpel, slicing into the deepest parts of me, yet all I can feel is an uncomfortable pressure. I know if I were to feel the full extremity of its actions, it would be unbearable.

I needed my anxiety medicine again today.

Yesterday, I was in a perfectly zombified state. I was clear. I could focus on tasks at hand and block out the things I did not want to focus on. I was productive and thorough and didn’t really feel anything. It was there of course, the shadowy demon behind the thinly veiled curtain, sneering at me, running its claws along the cloth. But it could not reach me, could not devour me whole, gnash me between its teeth and lick my soul from its snout.

Today’s been a joke. I’m tagged and bagged and my demons are preparing for a feast tonight.

The agitation crept in slowly, building and building and building until I had my daughter in tears because I just look mad everytime she asked a question about her God Blessed Distant Learning lesson.

She’s in 4^th grade, ADD, Dyslexic and struggles with her reading and spelling. And I’m working from home, sharing my work laptop with her. No stress there! This, however, is not the reason my anxiety was through the roof.

I never realized before I saw a doctor that anxiety could manifest as agitation and anger. I rarely feel this way anymore, however this is the second time this week.

When I heard her words and the tone of my own voice, I was up and looking through my purse like a heart failure patient digging for their meds to stave off a heart attack.

Now its nightfall.

Current Soundtrack: Final Fantasy 7 the Remake being played in the background

Raindrops decorate the outer shell of my upstairs window. Streetlights make a nice bokeh through the blind’s slats. The pups lay about, gnawing on their new bones and my daughters’ laughter can be heard from down the hall.

I’m emotionally blank.

I drew a line today, stood up for how I felt, and declined to discuss a topic I couldn’t handle, with someone I couldn’t handle having it with. This is new for me…

This isn’t my typical post fare; erratic and all over the place…

I’ll leave you with some imagery, for what it’s worth. Tomorrow is Saturday. Maybe tomorrow will show up and be kind. We shall see.

~Cheers

Saw My First Lightening Bug Last Night…
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

Through the Blinds – To the Street Below
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

Final Fantasy 7 – Background Soundtrack
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

Good Friday

Current Soundtrack: Working as an Essential

I took a solo walk Friday, April 10^th. I HAD to move. It was an itch under my skin. My molecules were threatening to burst me into nonexistence, ala Thanos style.

My family asked me if I wanted to take the dogs. Nope. Did I want to take the kids? Nope.

Get out of my way. I want to be alone.

Was I an asshole? Eh…

Did I care? Nope…

I knew exactly where I was going. There’s a huge drainage ditch that runs under a basic bridge, connecting our neighborhood to the nearby highway. One of two exists from my life.

I trekked the 10ish minutes to the spot and decided how to begin my adventure as a troll.

I’m not a huge girl, but I’m not a small girl. I’m a stuck sitting for 8 hours a day at work and too exhausted, either physically or mentally, to work out when I get off or when I wake up, girl.

We had some rain last week, so while there was not much water in the pipes, the entrance to the pipe was covered by an inch or so of water. Well, so much for that I said. Then, something sparked in me, and I said, I can make the jump!

So, I jumped.

Part of me wishes I’d been standing behind me, catching this on camera. The other part of me is thrilled I wasn’t and that I was at the bottom of an embankment where, hopefully, no one saw this debacle.

So, I jumped, and I landed on the edge of the pipe, which unknown to me, was covered in algae/moss.

My left foot slipped off the pipe and into the bayou’s stream, sending the right foot sailing forward towards the middle of the pipe and would have landed me square on my ass if I hadn’t caught myself with my arms.

Getting upright was even MORE fun. Since the pipe was overlaid with moss, every time I tried to stand, I ended up slipping and sliding, dangerously close to having a mouth full of moss and saturated clothes.

I sustained minor, very long and red, scratches to my left calf and had two soaking wet feet. Mud and moss covered my legs. I was looking sexy, no doubt. Any Bridge Troll wouldn’t been lucky to have me.

I figured it out. I lived. I DID something.

I know this all probably sounds very silly and dumb. But to me, it was kind of a big deal. I took the leap (Ready Player One reference… Anyone?) quite literally, failed somewhat, but still made it.

Yep… this is how adventurous my life has been lately.

Here are a few pics I took:

Entrance to My Adventure
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

Tunnel Vision
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

Solace at the Pipes
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

I was texting a friend and they made a comment that their Friday was Meh.

Well, it is Good Friday

Maybe for you, sitting at home on your couch. For those of us that aren’t off, it sucks

So of course, I sent them this pic of where I was sitting. I was very proud that I was not, in fact, on my couch.

They were surprised I was there alone. Their immediate question was why, what’s wrong?

You know when you have people in your life that just get you?

We chatted and my takeaway was this: You’ve got to have a talk. This is eating you alive.

I couldn’t argue. My issue is I am much better with the written word than the spoken word. I can stare at a piece of paper, pen in hand and my thoughts will organize in a clear and concise manner.

If I’m staring at you in the face, my thoughts stream buzz by highspeed like the Stock market ticker: How do I say this? What are the right words? Am I angry? I don’t want to hurt you. Am I happy? Should I be happy? Are you happy?

I woke up Saturday morning, and had a TALK.

And you’re right, when you say you need to have a TALK, it’s never good news.

I’ll sum it up, since I’ve been so longwinded today.

I’m not in love anymore. My heart isn’t in it. We’re great friends. It’s not enough. I’m not happy.

Words to Live By… Words to Die By… ~ Cheers

Broken
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

Adventure Awaits
All Rights Reserved | © 2020 S.K.Malcolm

What Do I Mean?

What in the universe do I mean by Complicatedly Simple?

In retrospect, many would argue it should be Simply Complicated. I dunno, maybe. What I’ve learned in 30 years has taught me that, everything is what I make it. Also, being dyslexic, it makes perfect sense to me. It flips the script. Everything is NOT fine. So, When I say, Everything is fine.. well, there you have it. I’m just another Pacific Salmon, swimming upstream, trying to not get eaten by a bear, so I can lay my eggs, and die.

A few Tidbits about Me, the obscure wizard behind this magic curtain.

I’m a Writer
I’m a Ninja
I’m a Working Mom, former Single Mom, One foot in front of the other Mom, Figure it out & Get it done Mom
I’m a Photographer
I do NOT have my stuff together
I DO have my head above water (feet below kicking furiously to keep me afloat) but the surface looks calm.

In short, Read Me, Love Me, Fear Me, & for the Love of everything sacred in your life, Don’t Make the Same Mistakes As Me.